High self-esteem is very important for success in any field and it is the foundation of personal growth. Before going into details about the seven ways to improve your self-esteem, I would like to share a personal story that relates to this topic. As stated in my biography on this site, I spent my first twelve years in two tiny villages in Ghana. My typical day consisted of going to the farm at dawn, going to school barefoot in the morning, returning to the farm after school, walking distances to get water and doing homework with my grandmother’s lantern. Among the boys, I had a lot of influence because they mostly depended on me for planning soccer games, hunting and other activities. On several occasions, they made me captain because my soccer and volleyball skills were impressive.
I did not know that I had any problem until I arrived in the big city (Accra). The boys in Accra teased me for being skinny. For instance, some of the kids went to the extent of saying that I needed to see a doctor because I had all the features of Kwashiorkor, a form of malnutrition that occurs when there is not enough protein in the diet. Soon I began to believe their taunts and I became extremely frustrated about my image. After a number of years of being extremely self-conscious I began to do things to increase my self-esteem and these are what I’m going to share with you today.
Seven simple ways to help you improve your self-esteem
1. Avoid negative thoughts about yourself: You become what you think about most of the time. This is why it is better for you to think about your strengths and how best you can use them. Don’t dwell on the weaknesses that you have. For instance, while it was highly likely that I would not win a fight with a guy of a bigger frame it was also extremely likely that I would beat him if it came to a battle of intellects. The more I thought about the opportunities and gifts I was blessed with, the better I felt about myself and what I could do. When you think more about what you can do rather than what you can’t do, you position yourself for personal growth.
2. Stop comparing yourself to others: Oscar Wilde, an Irish writer and poet once said “be yourself; everyone else is already taken”. You have to challenge yourself by testing your own limits. Comparing yourself to others for their looks, accomplishments and gifts is one of the quickest ways to lose your sense of worth. This does not mean you should not admire others for their great achievement and learn good lessons from them. You have to look within yourself, appreciate who are and what your passions and unique values are. We all have hidden treasures within but it is our responsibility to find them. Learn to love your personality and be willing to work on your own flaws. Remember that nobody is perfect.
3. Work on what you can change and leave what you can’t: For instance, you can get in shape by working out or controlling what you eat. You can change your academic performance by working extra hard to improve your GPA and you can change your negative habits through constant and never ending improvement. The easiest way to do this is to make a list of the things you want to change and take steps to change them. Remember to cross them out from your list and celebrate when you do it. On the other hand, you cannot do anything about the past so there is no point dwelling over it. If it is beyond changing, leave it and focus on the present and the future.
4. Set goals and work hard to achieve them: Setting goals that are well-defined and time-bound will inspire you to take action. The more you are able to accomplish your short-term goals, the more confident you become. For instance, when I was in high school I did not know that I could run until a housemate criticized me for being too focused on academics and being skinny for nothing. I decided to get more involved in sports and so I joined the track team. There was an inter-houses competition coming up and so I set my eyes on the first to third positions and trained very hard for the five thousand metre race. Indeed, I ran that race with everything in me and I won second position out of fourteen runners. Overall, my house won the trophy in the competition. I was very proud about proving my critic wrong and for achieving the goal I set for myself.
5. Be willing to learn from your mistakes: We all make mistakes in one way or the other. It could be as simple as spilling something, submitting an exam paper and then realizing that you forgot to answer a question or two. The most important thing is to admit that you made a mistake and think of ways not to repeat it. Rather than blaming other people or external circumstances, take responsibility for your mistakes. This will open many doors of learning and self-improvement.
6. Put your talents into action: Be confident with the talents that you are blessed with and be willing to try new things. As I said earlier on, we all have gifts and it is our duty to find them. When you find these gifts, put them in action and keep working hard to improve yourself. You have to accept the fact that everyone excels at different things and failing something does not mean you are a failure. It just means you have not found a better way to do that thing. Also, try new things to see if you could do them with ease. For instance, you could be really good at playing the piano or painting but if you have never tried you will not know.
7. Think of ways to help those around you: I like to ask myself: what will my contributions be? What can I do for one person or one community? What steps can I take to achieve the things I would like to achieve? I strongly believe that life is about giving and we can learn to give our time, energy and knowledge to help make a difference in so many ways. You can help a good cause through your involvement, volunteer for community groups or help a friend having addiction or academic problems.
Improving your self-esteem will help you to develop a positive attitude towards life. People with high self-esteem are happier, make friends easily and believe they can achieve their dreams. Never for once allow the negative views of other people become your own reality. You can improve your self-esteem by avoiding negative thoughts about yourself, not comparing yourself to others, focusing on what you can change, setting goals, learning from mistakes, putting your talents into action and finding ways to contribute to society.
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