By Clive Mutame Siachiyako
Finding
a marriage partner is quite problematic nowadays. The situation is worse for
women. It is nastier among professional women. Millennial women accomplish
pretty well when it comes to their life goals. Everything goes as planned:
accepted into university/college, grabbed the dream job, drive an eye catching
car and grew a valuable network of friends. Their apartments are beautifully
decorated and their closets meticulously loaded with stylish clothes. However,
when it comes to romance, they only go for “someone amazing.” Otherwise they
wouldn’t waste time trying to cultivate a relationship with anyone below their
definition of amazing.
Many
millennial women are fretting over unforeseen outcomes of bad balancing between
a career and love. Scan around successful career women you know to see this
reality. Every year, “my successful, gorgeous and amazing friends remain
kiss-less on new year’s eve and valentine’s day” disclosed women contributors
to Forbes. Dateable men “we encounter are either attached, gay or involved in
complicated situations.” Often, career women unwittingly play a musical game
i.e. while everyone was pairing-up, they focused on careers and were left
standing alone in love matters.
“And
we can’t figure out what is happening.”
One
lady contributing to Forbes on love and millennial women; argued that “I don’t
think the issue is that men used to be great and now they’re not. It’s just
that in the past women had more pressure to get married and have kids earlier.
They prioritized those goals above the others.” Today “we’ve women who’re self-sufficient
financially being supported socially by many friends in the same boat.” It’s
like broke men meeting up for a drink. They won’t taste the beer unless someone
there call for SOS [help]. Thus it shouldn’t be surprising that so many millennial
women are single. It isn’t supposed to be this way, women pushed into singleton
by undateability of men when it’s love time for career women.
Different
general strokes are used to describe millennial women when it comes to romance.
Those strokes don’t reflect nuance or contradictions. E.g. they framed as “the
hook-up generation, cowards to commitment, ball-busters or fairy-tale dreamers.”
Although each line may contain elements of truth, the fuller story derive from interconnected
factors and influences. It doesn’t mean these ladies are up for a perfect
[decorated with academic and work accolades, financially stable, well-mannered,
and caring, etc.] dude in town. They’re realistic. Yeah they’ve certain
non-negotiables in prospective suiters e.g. a degree, stable job and income,
etc. Life has worked to their plans career-wise, so why shouldn’t they grab a
man with similar requirements? That’s not asking too much, that’s what’s within
their level.
However,
their reluctance to settle for less than they think they deserve has elements
of a lax attitude in finding potential mates. “We’re busy dominating the world.
We don’t have time to hang out at bars, church and other social platforms.
While some of us explore online dating or take a more proactive approach, the
majority of millennial women have long assumed we would meet Prince Charming
via friends, or through their own social circles.”
“Why
should we waste our precious time and energy unless we meet someone we really
connect with and care about?” one lady asked. “I think it’s great that millennial
women are picky and don’t feel as much pressure to be in monogamous
relationships as did previous generations. I do think all millennials, not just
women, are used to the idea of being able to ‘curate’ experiences i.e. going
into online dating to choose desired traits listed online by other seekers or
shift to a big city where options are many.”
Regrettably,
these assumptions face growing inequality between the two genders. Thus, millennial
women who have taken it for granted that they will pair up with equal partners
are failing to hit the jackpot. There aren’t enough of these men to go around.
Women outnumber men on college campuses, and single, childless women often earn
more than their male counterparts. That brings a plethora of love problems.
Inferiority complex push men away from more learned women than them. Educated
women themselves rarely settle for men less educated than them.
Increasingly,
millennial women go for two romance options: marry down or don’t marry i.e.
marry a less educated or less earner than them or stay single. “There’s need for cognitive behavior change in
what ladies [consider] important traits in men.” There are too many women
obsessed with finding men on their level. They want someone as ambitious,
engaged, and high-achieving as they are. They maybe need to rethink and look
for partners that’re SUPPORTIVE, rather than COMPETITIVE.
Additionally,
accomplished women should be strong in finding impressive men who make them
feel they are getting value in a partnership. “They have this list of qualities
(smart, has a job, knows something about culture or the world, etc.) that seem
pretty reasonable, but so few men meet the requirements,” contends Melanie
Shreffler, a marketing consultant on Millennial culture.
“Going
back centuries, it was just a contract between two parties. Love and even
friendship or liking each other weren’t important. If you were lucky, they
developed over time. But now, we think we can find a guy who will be our best
friend, our other half, who we will love before we marry. Finding that in a guy
that we also find attractive makes the probability of finding a “good match”
even less.”
“Plus,
many millennial women are in the uncertain ‘grey’ age range where we aren’t
sure if we need to start stressing out over our single status and lower our
standards. Or whether we simply need to remain patient that the right man will
come along.”
Society
has added another paradox to things. When millennial women who are very
ambitious in their professional lives apply similar approach towards dating;
they are accused of desperation. “[Marriage] is a worthy goal. It’s strange
that it’s stigmatized. When women work as explicitly hard to find romance and
they do for their careers, they are seen as man-hungry. It’s a shame since
studies show that marriage makes one healthier and happier. There’s no shame in
wanting a great life” put it one of the ladies to Forbes.
After
all is said and done, there’s a feeling that millennial women can turn to those
in relationships for helpful dating solutions. “If your utmost priority is to
find a mate, maybe you should think about the qualities that are most important
to you and keep that in mind when writing people off. But I don’t want that to
come off as me encouraging women to ‘settle’ — because I’d personally rather be
single than in a relationship with someone who isn’t worth it.” Courtesy of
Forbes.com
