By Clive Mutame Siachiyako
Heart breaks are common among love relationships. A lot of youth have
been thrown off balance by love affairs that go sour. Heart breaks simply
result into frustrations, stress, and depression....a whole mix bag of
reactions between two people formerly in love...in worse situations suicide.
Outside love relationship, friendship brings a ballad of frustrations
among young people and generally across ages too. There are people we trust
more than our family members. People whom we share almost everything.... we
ride with them uphill journeys our family members wouldn’t want to offer a hand
to see us through. A friend would stand by us, lift us up when we fall, laugh
at us when we feel frustrated and help us regain balance, cheer us when we make
it....they are “all weather buddies.”
When such a friend ‘betrays’ you or your trust in them;
it’s perplexity cut deeper than a love relationship. There’s no
better company than a true, honest and reliable friend [be if male or female
friend]. Psychometricians sum it that “friendship can be the best true medicine
for physical and mental health.” Why and how? Strong social networks tend
to lengthen survival when we grow old. Our network of friends will bring
tidings in our lives all the way. Whereas ‘blood is thicker than water,’ true
friendship derives lifetime fulfilment and pillar during and sunny rainy days.
“Friends are the family we choose for ourselves.” A good
friendship is indeed something to savour and protect. Even though humans can’t
be 100% dependable, the closest we can get from true friendship need apt care
and appreciation. The closer we get to someone, the more invested we become in
their emotions and behaviour. We are far more likely to be reactive to our best
of friends. When they aren’t feeling or acting quite themselves, they can incite
feelings of frustration, judgement, competitiveness, or hurt in us.
Falling out of a friendship
Whereas love partners come and go....friends stay longer and tend to be
more loyal. How can you avoid a falling out with someone you’ve long
trusted and cared about? Psychometrician Lisa Firestone [PhD] advices “start by
accepting the fact that you can only change yourself. And, almost always,
fixing a friendship is a matter of fixing yourself.” Why I am fighting with my
friend? I am being fair, honest, trustable and appreciative?
What can I do then in my capacity to save my friendship? When a
friendship show signs of going asunder; seek yourself in connection to where
you have come from and what you want out of your friendship. Keeping in mind,
friendship is something you can’t beg for. You can forget about it anyway, but
basic wisdom reminds us that a “good name is more precious than pure gold.”
Make amends with friends where you can. Don’t be too proud.
The ideas below can help build long term friendships. All friendships
are built on different grounds, but some generic rules of the thumb can help us
live happily with our buddies.
1. Be honest to each other: Any human co-existence thrives on trust.
Friendship built on phony facades can’t last. It fizzles out shortly. Being
honest to each other is premium. Set aside ego. It costs less being a true
friend than hiding behind a ballad of lies and pretence which you have to cover
up all the way. It will just make your life burdensome. Easy up, be yourself, ask
tough questions if your friend acts strange.
2. Make amends: Friendship gives us an opportunity to know each others’ strengths and
weaknesses. Meaning we can cheer them up when they are in their lowest ebb and
tear them down as well. We aren’t perfect. We will step on each others’ toes.
But when we do, we have to amend. Sorry truly heals a wound. Don’t be too
proud, apologise when you error. If the other doesn’t want to come across and
make amends, use wisdom and craftiness to put it across them to trigger
reaction of the mistake. Don’t take forever angry with your friend. “Time is
precious and not worth wasting, especially when it comes to the people who make
us happy.”
3. Show Appreciation: Being close to someone at times makes us forget
to show gratitude. We take it for granted, ‘it’s their duty to do good to me,
why are they my friends?’ We also need time for friends. A lunch together, walk
or phone call adds flavour to friendship nourishment.
“Generosity is the key to happiness,” Dr. Lisa notes in one of her
writings. A true buddy shows interest in us: who we are, our struggles, and
strengths. A friendship shouldn’t be one-sided. Never let it be self-focused.
Take interest in your friends.
Why does it matter anyway?
Medics indicate that “not maintaining friendships” is one of
people’s biggest death-bed regrets. Keeping close friends is an essential part
of life that gives us meaning and fulfilment. It’s no surprise that people who
are most giving of themselves are the most liked. Thus, keeping a realistic,
yet compassionate outlook on the world will inherently expand your own world,
attracting others along the way. All of these characteristics are contagious:
by being the kind of person you respect, you encourage others to do the same.
VALUE friendship, it pays!!
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